Bare faced and beautiful

It has been over 3 months since I have worn one stitch of make-up, and boy, have a learned a lot!

I will start way back. When I was a pre-teen and teenager, I had HORRIBLE skin. I was so self conscious of it. There were many days that I would come home from school crying, wishing I could just hide my face from the world. One day when I came home from school, my mom had a gift sitting out for me. It was a Willow Tree ornament entitled `Beauty`. She then told me that if I go out into the world and lead with my smile, no one would even notice my imperfect, blemish covered face. I trusted her and did all I could to wear a smile in hopes that that is what the world would see in me.

Fast forward to a year or so ago. I was trolling around on youTube and started to watch some auditions for `The Voice`. On to the screen comes Alicia Keys...she was literally breath taking. I actually paused the video because I was overwhelmed by her beauty. There she was, a super star, on national television with a bare face. She was GLOWING!! I thought about her and the impact of her choice to reveal her bare face on a regular basis for months to follow.

At Super Saturday this past year, a bunch of us girls were sitting together having lunch when the topic of make-up came up. Jen Bowden was sitting next to me and brought up the fact that she doesn't wear any makeup. For any of you who know Jen, she is a goddess. She looks like Mother Eve - waist length, flowing brown locks, deep brown eyes and a kindness that radiates from her very being. Now, I am going to be 100% honest here, when Jen said she didn't wear makeup, my immediate thought was `well, duh! You are gorgeous! If I looked like you, I wouldn't wear makeup too!` I am genuinely ashamed of those thoughts. Jen is a woman, just like me. She did not get some magical pass that granted here a `get away without wearing make up` free card. At times, she feels self conscious going bare faced just like any woman would. We are no different than one another! She, too, writes a blog and she directed me to a post she wrote in regards to going makeup free. Later that night I read it and felt SO inspired! (here is the link http://awe-inspireme.com/?p=69 )

After a few days of back and forth, I decided to go for it.

No more makeup.

Now, for those of you who have known me for any significant length of time, you will know that this was a HUGE change for me. Aside from late night emergency room trips, I HAD NEVER LEFT MY HOUSE WITHOUT MAKEUP ON. Even as a teen, I was threatened of being kicked out of Girl Guides because I brought makeup to Guiding camps. I had to explain to the leaders that if I was forbidden to wear makeup, I would leave Guiding because I was just so self conscious of my face! I worked as a camp counselor every summer of high school and each morning, I would wake before my kids, shower and put my face on. I was NEVER to be found bare faced.

But, I changed that.

At first, I felt weird. I didn't look like myself...I would catch my reflection and have to do a double take. After the first couple of days to a week, I started to feel super self conscious. I get acne around 'that time of the month' and as that time approached, my face looked angry! Red, blemished, uneven...ugh. It was terrifying. I remember so vividly one particular day. It was Sunday morning and I woke with two HUGE zits. One on the apple of my cheek and the other on my neck. They were huge and totally noticeable. Even with makeup, these suckers would still be front and centre. BUT, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I said out loud 'If I lead with my smile, no one will notice the blemishes on my face'. And with that, I threw on a dress, pulled my hair in a pony and went to church. Once there, the thought of my skin came across my mind twice. Only twice!! Had I been wearing makeup, I would have packed it in my church bag and been in the bathroom every 20 minutes applying more to try to cover up. Since that was no longer an option, I forgot about it! I just went and enjoyed my Sunday. That day taught me SO much!! I taught me that what my face looked like didn't matter! It taught me that I can enjoy life no matter what is going on with my physical appearance. WHAT MATTERS IS WHO AND WHAT IS ON THE INSIDE!

Over these past few months I have had my up and down days. Most days, I look in the mirror and see a strong, beautiful woman staring back at me. I love her and am very proud of her.

I believe in and advocate for authenticity, vulnerability and raw beauty. To be MY best self, going makeup free was an absolute must. I have never felt so liberated and beautiful in all my life. When people see my face, I sincerely hope that they can see my heart. Some days it is smooth, even and radiant with joy, happiness and love. Other days it is red, swollen and pocked with dispair, worry and exhaustion. THIS IS THE REAL JESS!! I am perfectly whole and broken; smooth and calloused; radiant and tarnished. I am me.

I no way do I think makeup is a bad thing and am not 'anti makeup', but I want to share the liberation I have found from letting go of who I thought I needed to be and embracing who I am, pimples and all.

I am bare faced and I am beautiful.

And so are you!