Kids

Kids

Friday, July 21, 2017

California Part 1!

After our weekend in Waterton, we came home to the news that Father Hans had passed away. Father Hans was a Catholic Priest who Doug served and taught on his mission in The San Fernando Valley of California. Father Hans had a huge impact on Doug and Doug was greatly affected by the news of his passing. Of course we wanted to go to the funeral, but the news came Monday morning and the viewing was on Friday. How could we make it work? Both Doug and I are painfully meticulous planners, so a last minute trip just didn't make sense. However, the more we thought about it, the more we felt it was the right thing. We got online, looked at flights and hotels. Rob & Pat and my parents were on board to take the kiddos so just Doug and I could go, so we decided to go for it! We realized Doug didn't have a passport, so we made multiple trips up to Calgary to get an urgent passport made up for him. At one point, when we realized how much this trip was going to cost, we started to have some real reservations about going. We decided to say a prayer and it was such a beautiful and powerful experience. Both Doug and I felt and knew that we needed to go. With that confirmation, we went forward with peace. Doug's mission companion Brady and his wife Jodi decided to come too, so we booked the same hotel in Granada Hills.

WE drove down to Billings and flew from there. Even though we went to Calgary and back that same morning, the 6 1/2 hour drive to Billings was wonderful. When you are busy parent to a bunch of young kiddos, you take any 'couple time' you can get, and the drive was perfect for that. We flew out the next morning, Friday the 14th at 10:30am. The flight was good and the gal sitting next to me was quite chatty, so we visited most of the way while Doug read.

Once we landed, we took a shuttle to Alamo to get our rental car and then headed straight over to In-N-Put Burger. There is a funny story about the last time we went to In-N-Out Burger, however I wont share that here, so I was excited to go again for some redemption. It was SO busy and pretty darn yummy!

After we ate, we drove to Granada Hills to check in to our hotel. It was so fun to drive through the valley again. Doug and I went to LA for our honeymoon and got to see his old mission :) Our hotel room wasn't ready when we got there, so we went for a walk. It sure was hot, however the heat wave we had had earlier in July prepared us for the heat and it wasn't too bad to handle (even though I kept thinking I had bugs crawling down my back, but it was just sweat!) Once back to our hotel, Brady and Jodi were there. I had never met them before and Doug hadnt seen Brady since the mission. Of course, we were a little nervous if we would hit it off, however it was like seeing long lost best friends. We all had an instant connection and being with them was a major highlight of our trip.

That night was Father Hans viewing, so we drove down to Van Nuys to the funeral home. I personally find viewings a little uncomfortable, but i could see that it was so good for Doug to go see Father Hans one last time and pay his respects. After the viewing, we went out for Mexican. Man, the Mexican food is so good down there!! Ah, I am drooling! After dinner the boys dropped Jodi and I off of the hotel and they went to go pick up another mission companion from the airport, Todd. (His name is Ryan Todd, however we all just called him Todd) Jodi and i sat by the pool and chatted for hours. Oh, what a beautiful soul! I need more of her in my life, that is for certain. This was another major highlight of the trip for me.

The next morning was Father Hans funeral. Being a Catholic Priest, I figured it would be a big Mass funeral, however it was far from it. It was a small, quiet and absolutely beautiful burial service. There were only about 20 of us there, is was a beautiful sunny morning and the service itself was so lovely. There was so much peace there - Father Hans lived a good, long life of service. There is no doubt that he is still serving on the other side. After the Catholic Bishop said his prayers, he turned around and memorialized Father Hans so beautifully. We all then tossed flowers and dirt into the grave and stood back and watched while the casket was lowered and he was completely buried. There was such a powerful feeling of peace, love, gratitude and joy at the service. Oh, I am so glad we went! I was, and still am, proud to have been a part of that day. Father Hans truly was a special man. When Doug and I went down to SoCal for our honeymoon, we spent quite a bit of time with Father Hans. LOTS of funny stories to share :)


After the service, we went back to the hotel, changed and then went for lunch. There was a BBQ down the street and Todd had eaten there many times while on his mission, so we decided to give it a try. It was my first ever BBQ experience and honest, it was SO good! Smoked turkey and mac'n'cheese? Mmmm yum!

After lunch, we decided to just drive around the mission. Even though we went to Disney and Universal (which will be in California part 2) this was the best part of the trip. Just listening to those boys reminisce about the mission will be something i cherish for a very long time. We went up to Leo's, by Father Hans old place, to the place where Doug got flashed, where they rode their bikes down an insane hill, to some lake they were never allowed to swim in, to visit someone Todd taught and of course, to a grocery store to buy ridiculously sugary American cereal. Hello Sprinkle Donut Capt'n Crunch! It was the BEST!! 5 people, driving SoCal, reminiscing and making new memories along the way. SO. GOOD!

We then went back to the hotel and said Good-bye. Brady and Jodi said they wanted to come to Canada next year and do some hiking. We so hope that will happen! We love them!

After they left, we headed out to Universal Studios to go see THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!! More of that in Part 2 :)

Big Bertha

WE DID IT!!!

On Saturday July 8th, we climbed to the top of Bertha Peak.

Doug, the kiddos and I went to Waterton on Friday afternoon and camped at Crandell Lake campground. Within 3 minutes of being there, we had a bear in our campsite, right next to our tent. We just piled the kids up with us in the van and waited for the bear to mosey on along. The conservation officers were out watching it, so it was being taken care of.

The next morning, I was up early and getting ready for the hike. We met at the trail head at 9am and were off at 9:30. Melissa, Jen, Alisha, Deanna, Laura and Dani all came. (I met Alisha, Laura and Dani for the first time at this hike) The hike to Bertha Falls was easy and we all chatted along the way. From Bertha Falls to Bertha Lake it got more intense. It was switch backs all the way up and I was already starting to feel fatigued, but I just kept climbing.

We made it up to Bertha Lake and stopped for lunch. It really is so beautiful there!

To be completely honest, I was like 'Yup, this is good enough. There is no need more me to climb that peak,' especially after I saw what peak we were going to climb...

Yup...all the way to the top of that.

We headed around the lake looking for markers on where to start climbing up, as there isn't a trail. We found it and started our ascent. For me, this was much better than the way up to Bertha Lake - I much prefer hiking off trail, even if I get a little disoriented. Within the first half hour of our ascent to the peak, we came across some pretty sketchy areas, but instead of my normal, fear-filled self, I tackled each one and felt really good about it.

Unfortunately, Deanna has bad knees and had to make a judgement call as to whether or not she should continue. The way up was one thing, but coming back down on bad knees would be awful. She, Laura and Dani decided to head back down. This was a pivotal moment for me. I had an out...I could turn back and not have to do all the work to get to the top. I said a little prayer and felt strongly to continue up, so I did. We climbed and climbed and climbed some more. We ran into a couple following the same markers and saw them a couple of times here and there. We got to one spot in particular and I was wanting to head back down, but then we looked over and saw this couple ascending a peak! We were so close!! We had to first hike down into a basin before we could begin the steep climb to the ridge. Leah, Melissa's sister, warned us that there would be false peaks and boy, she was not kidding. I swear, there must have been five of them! This brought on HUGE mind games for me. This was it...the final ascent, and I literally wanted to lay down on those rocks for dead. Melissa, my dear Melissa, stuck with me and pushed me on. 'One foot in front of another' she would so lovingly remind. Gosh, how I absolutely adore her!! As we came up one of the false peaks, I looked to my right and saw the edge of the peak. I walked over to get a better look and realized how high we were. We were climbing to the sky, I am sure!!

Then we saw Alisha and Jen sitting down (they were ahead of us) and we knew what that meant. Immediately, Melissa starts shouting, hollering and cheering!! WE DID IT!!! This, right there, was my favourite part of the hike - seeing Melissa. Watching one of the people who is most dear to my heart push, strive and then reach their goal is the MOST beautiful thing in the world. Gosh, my eyes just filled with tears. SHE did it! I did it! WE did it!

We had a nice little break at the top of the peak, ate some snacks and then started our decent. The descent goes much faster and for me, it was WAY easier. I think it was a little harder for the other girls. The slayed it on the way up while I was struggling, and then I think it was a little bit reversed on the way down. I was having a blast sliding down the shale. To be truthful, I think I was just so happy that I made it to the top and that it was also almost over! Haha! Again, typical Jess would have been freaking out coming down - its so easy to get hurt - but I was just going for it. Things got interesting when we realized we had lost our markers on the way down. After humming and hawing about where to go, we said a prayer and decided to bush whack it to the lake. And bush whacking indeed it was. We all loved the bear grass on the way up, but after coming down I think we all had some second thoughts.

I know I said before that I prefer to hike off trail, which is true, however I was SO relived to finally find that trail around Bertha Lake after our bush whacking. Once we made it to the lake front, we kicked off our shoes, soaked our feet and then Jen and I dived into the water. It felt SO GOOD!! We then got geared back up and made our way down to the town site. This is what my shoes looked like when I kicked them off at the lake.

We made it to the town site at 8:30pm. We had done it.
16kms
11 hours
3800 ft elevation gain
WE DID IT!!

I have A LOT of thoughts, feeling and insights about my hike, however that will be another post. I may have had to sacrifice my heart sunglasses and 4 toenails, however this was an adventure of a lifetime. Hooray for doing hard things!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Truth

I have so much on my brain. It is 12:59 and I should be sleeping, however my thoughts are racing. I need to get them out...to let them pour. I need to wail and vent and gnash my teeth. I need to weep and sulk and embrace the darkness. I need to ponder and reflect and have gratitude to my God. I need it all. Right now.

***DISCLAIMER: I am going to get very real here and talk about things that may be hard to to hear. If you are not up for hearing the wailings of my heart, don't continue to read***

Life is so...so...ugh, I don't even know the word. It's so blissfully good and so freaking horrible. Trials are real. I have been watching the people I love as they struggle through their trials and fight for their freedom. I was there, not too long ago, and the time has come for me to get candid and share that.

Last fall, as school started and all the pressures that come along with it, I began to crack. I 'held it together' for a few months on sheer grit and determination, but inevitably the flow became too strong and I could no longer fight the current. When that wave hit me, I shattered. Into a million pieces, everything that I thought I knew washed down stream and I was left drowning. Thinking back to that time takes the air from my chest...my heart races and the anxiety grips my heart. I can't believe I survived it. I was certain I was left for dead. Life became so black, so dark. Thick, like tar, it sucked me in and drug me down. The only way for release was death, to allow my lips to slip beneath the surface...there was no way I could survive another moment on earth.

At 16 years of age and then again at age 29, I tried to take my own life. That is my struggle - suicidal ideation.

Through the amazing support of my family, I did not have to go back to the psych ward at the hospital. Doug took time off work and my mom came and lived with me while I was on 24 hour watch. I very literally was fighting for my life...just as one who has a physical illness would. It was months and months of intensive counselling, support and grace. There were many days where I literally couldn't get out of bed - the anxiety anchored me to the floor, fear seizing my shoulders. The house was cleared of all objects that I could use to hurt myself with, so I would formulate plans of how to take my life beyond the walls of my home. I hated everything, most prominently myself. I was completely and utterly destroyed. There was no grace. There was no redemption. Not for me, anyways.

But, really, there was grace. That tar was so real...oh man, so real. It pulled at me and tried to rob me of my last breath, however I was always able to keep my lips above the surface. I clung, with all my animalistic grit, to the iron rod, trusting that God would not forget the promises we have made and His grace kept me alive. It kept me from succumbing to the darkness because trust me, I wanted to. I still do. I still crave death. I am carnal and human and I want the easy way out, however it is through God that I can overcome that natural state and prevail.

While enduring the hardships of this 'winter' of my life, I have learned. That learning has been felt in my sinews and embedded in my soul. I have learned a lot about what I actually want out of life and in contrast, what I really couldn't care less about. I have learned who I can really trust and how to pull those people in close to me. I have learned that just because you are family, that doesn't necessarily mean anything...that my village is my family, and it consists of a few people whom I trust and respect, regardless of blood or marital ties. I am learning to say 'no' and be perfectly ok with that. I am learning that it's not only tolerable to take care of myself, but an absolute privilege. I am learning to live in the moment, embrace the good and to let life fill my bucket, not just drain it.

Most of all, I am learning of how deep, how intense and how real our Heavenly Father's love truly is. I am learning what it ACTUALLY means to say that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I am learning that the Holy Ghost is very literally my companion and that I genuinely want to live my life in accordance to God's laws to keep him as such. I am learning that the ordinances of the temple are absolutely crucial to success and joy in this life. I am learning. A lot.

I feel it imperative to not only express my gratitude to my Father on Heaven, but also to some of the few members of my village, who have allowed me to lean heavily into you during this long, hard season.

My mother. Oh mom, what would I ever do without you. You listen to me talk all the time about me wanting to move away and be independent, but heck, what would I do without you? You are always here for me. To listen to me ramble on and on about my 'to-do' list and then help me put the pieces together to have a successful day. To empathize with me about the challenges of being a wife and a mother. To watch Jimmy Fallon with and laugh ourselves stupid. To paint my toenails, make me a lasagne or buy me a Pepsi. You are an absolute treasure and gem to my soul. Mom, I absolute adore you.

Melissa, I'm not sure what to say. When I tried to take my life as a teenager, I quickly discovered who my real friends were and who weren't, and I guess the same thing happened again. You stood by me. You are still standing by me. Heck, yesterday you were literally right there behind me, helping me climb a mountain!! And I guess that, right there, is exactly how I feel. You couldn't 'climb the mountain' for me, but you were always there, right behind me, encouraging me the whole way. I remember, when things were really bad, you made me dinner - Salmon and beets. My favourites. That touched my soul and reminded me that there are people out there who truly did know me and that cared. Thank you, my sweet friend.

Julie. If I didn't already have a testimony on the divinity of Visiting Teaching, I certainly would now. I do not doubt, for one second, that God placed us in each others path at the time He did so we could support one another. He knew we needed each other. You and I are connected far beyond this mortal experience...we are very literally sisters in Zion. Your presence in my life has made all the difference. I am privileged to have you in my village.

Simone, my oldest friend. How has our friendship survived this many years? How is it that you are still the one I turn to, after all this time? It's love and respect. I friggen love you. So so much. And I respect you. I respect your thoughts, ideas, advice and counsel. I really know you and know your heart, and with that I trust that you would never lead me astray. I trust that you are trying to reach your Heavenly Father, just like I am. Our paths are in tandem - we are seeking God. And we will continue to find Him, on our own and together. Thank you, gosh thank you for just simply being you.

Doug. Oh, my heart. My love. My best friend. Every word I have expressed to the people above can be applied to you and multiplied by infinity. You are my everything...oh, my everything. Our marriage is bound by covenants, the promises we have made to each other and to our God. Through years of work, love, trust and effort, those covenants have formed ties so intricate, so tightly woven and intertwined that even the heaviest of loads have been able to be buoyed. As we are coming out the other side of this, we are stronger, together. Team Walton, baby.

And of course, my thanks to my Savior. Jesus truly has been my advocate. He has advocated my cause with the Father, he has pleaded on my behalf and I have felt of his love, concern and his absolute hope in me. He has been there, every step of the way. I am so grateful for the commandants His father, our Father, has given us. By following them, I have survived. There is no other explanation. I have not only survived physically, but spiritually as well. My testimony of The Father and The Son is imprinted in my tissues and runs through my veins. I will always be your witness!

There are others who have helped and influenced me through this journey, and my gratitude is theirs as well.

Well, that's it. It's now 2:34am and that felt so good to get off my chest. I'm going to close with one of my favourite quotes

"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it's insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction."

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Little Bow and Kinbrook Island

One of our summer goals is to camp as much as possible. It's July 9th and we've already camped three times, so we are off to a good start! Our first camp trip was to Little Bow. We had never been there before and it was nice. We went just for one night with Pete and Elizabeth Christensen. It was a great time, however we've realized that camping for just one night it kind of ridiculous...so much set up and take down in just two days. While camping, I practiced some Dutch oven cooking. Its much easier than I had anticipated and I loved it! I think I might ask for one for my birthday :) I didn't take many pictures one this trip, but here are a few.


The Monday after Canada Day we headed to Kinbrook Island campground by Brooks. We had never been there before either, however one of Doug's workmates suggested it and it did not disappoint! It was so beautiful and very well kept. We had an awesome camp spot and even had a little tree canopy to set our tent up under.


We spent A LOT of time at the beach!


Since the kiddos loved the face paint at Canada Day, we decided to buy some for ourselves. Doug and I both took turns painting the kiddos, and even Nola painted Doug and I as well as her brothers. She is such a sweet little mother hen :)


NOLA LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A TWO WHEELER!!! Oh man, so many emotions about this. The kiddos actually spent a lot of time on their bikes. They would just ride back and forth in front of our campsite, and we also took quite a few bike trip over to play at the park.


Colouring


There was a bird watching trail that we were able to explore. We saw pelicans and the kiddos collected feathers and crayfish claws. John was in a mood and needed to be packed most of the way.


John also stole my bed the first night, so I was up and out of the tent before 5am. Its a good thing he is so cute! Actually, it was quite nice - I had to time to read and build a fire by myself. It was quiet and peaceful, much unlike camping with a bunch of little kids ;)


We went to the beach on the Tuesday night and watched the most beautiful sunset. It was the perfect way to end the perfect day. Oh, how I love my family!