Reflection

Now that 2015 has come to a close, I find I have being taking many moments to reflect in this past year. It really was a remarkable year for me - I have grown so much!! At the beginning of 2015, I set two goals for myself. First, to pay my tithing for each month, every month and second, to pull myself out of a toxic relationship.

 A can proudly say I have accomplished my goals! I paid my tithes on the last Sunday of each month, instead having the money accumulate and pay lump sums twice a year. I have also made huge gains in regards to my relationships, most profoundly with the one I struggled with most. I have learned a lot about myself: how to say 'no', and in contrast,  how to say 'yes' and really mean it! What my tolerance level is: where the line is for Jess and what are the consequences of crossing that, for myself and for the other person. What I really feel about the relationships in my life: which ones do I embrace, and which ones do I let go of; how hard am I willing to work and sacrifice for each of these relationships; what can I give in each relationship and what am I getting in return; what kind of relationships do I feel I deserve; what kind of relationships do my loved ones deserve.

These insights I have blessed me in so many more way than just dealing with the toxic relationship, they have blessed me to truly take a look at EVERY relationship in my life, even the most blissful. I feel stronger and more confident in who I am and the choices I need to make for myself and for my family. My good relationships are now great, the relationships I wanted to work on have improved and the relationships that were damaging to my well being have lost their importance. I have honestly never been happier.

The only way I could have had the success I have had in 2015 is through the love, patience and acceptance of my Savior and King, Jesus Christ. I think the biggest challenge of all I faced this year was self doubt. Every thought, every emotion...I doubted it. Who does Jesus really want me to be? Is it really OK to say 'no'? Am I a bad person for distancing myself from someone? Can I sacrifice service outside the home to make room for more service inside the home?  Is this really the right choice? The Lord blessed me with peace as I asked myself these questions, and then as I turned to Him with these questions as well. My testimony has been strengthened, yet again, that The Lord is so very mindful of His children.

It's now 2016 and I have set another few goals for myself. I pray that I may be able to cling to The Lord and grow even more.