Progress

Not many things have been going according to plan lately. Well, not according to my plans anyway.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I thought I'd just lay around in bed and get better. That is whats happening, however at a much slower rate that I had hoped. Yesterday, I drank a total of 1 1/2 cups of liquid over the whole day, and ate a piece of toast and a few bites of plain spaghetti noodles. By 7 o'clock, I felt horrible. I was still peeing alot from the IV, but not taking in enough fluid. I had a killer headache and my mouth was so dry. I talke to my sister-in-law Dori, who is a nurse, and I was really scared that I would have to go back to the hospital...that I am not able to deal with this by myself. I took my night time meds, said a prayer with Doug and a prayer by myself, then went to sleep.

I woke up feeling terrible. The hunger pains and the thirst was intense. My stomach was in knots...I felt like I could barely stand up straight. Melissa came and took the kids, and I went back to bed with a piece of toast and a ginger ale. I slowly got the toast down and had a very few sips of the soda. By 12:30, my mother-in-law, Pat, showed up to help, and help she did!!! She went and got the kids from Melissa's and got them down for a rest. She then made me eat. She jokingly called herself a drill sergent, but she laid down the law and made me eat, little bits every half hour. Well, Mama knows best! It really seemed to help. Today, I have been able to eat and drink almost double what I did yesterday! Of course, that's still not much, but I am grateful for progress.

These last couple days have been a little more trying than the rest. I find myself feeling very angry - angry that this is happening, angry that I have to pawn my kids off every morning, angry that I cannot help my husband with anything, angry that I need to take care of myself first. It has taken A LOT of effort these last couple days to see the silver lining, but if I take the time to look, it's there.

- we have had so much help from our family and friends. Mandy has been a life saver! Not only has she taken my kids, fed us dinner and listened to me through all of this, she has also arranged for my kids to go to other friends home this whole week. Seriously, I don't know what I have done to deserve a friend like her. Dori has been such a big help too. She has given me and Doug so much support, comfort and help through all of this. Even though she lives in Calgary and isn't physically here to help, she has done more than most. My mother-in-law took the afternoon off work to come and help us. What an amazing woman! How did I get to marry into such an amazing family?!? My Dad came over to help me with the kids yesterday. It really was beautiful and it meant the world to me. I love you Daddy :)

- my kids are so resilient! I know they are having a difficult time dealing with all that is happening, but it's amazing how quick they bounce back. They are happy! They laugh, play, cry, throw tantrums, give me big wet smootches, sleep like angels, eat like pigs, ect. They are still just kids! They give me hope - hope that even though things are tough, I can bounce back and be my old, happy self :)

- I am learning to enjoy the little things. The warmth of the sun, a drink that will stay down, a particularily comfy spot on the couch, a funny moment in a movie, a kiss on my forehead from my hubby, a nice warm bath, a cool cloth on my forehead. These little things make all the difference.

- my testimony. I'm not going to lie, it can be alot of hard work to gain a testimony. You don't just get one just because you want it - not a real, deep one anyway. I am grateful that I have worked hard over the last 8 years of being a member to imprint the gospel to my heart. Because of the knowledge I have, I am able to cope. It is only now that I truely understand the importance of building your house upon a rock. Trust me, if my house were build upon the sand, it would be washed away into the sea.

God is real. I cannot say that enough. He is not just a hope, a wish, a desire - HE IS REAL! There are some - many - who will ask how I know this. How can one really know? I KNOW because the Spirit has testified it to my heart. The scriptures tell us that if we ask God, with real intent, if He is real, He will testify to our hearts the truth. He has done that for me and this is the truth. I will never deny that. I believe in Him, and in His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Christ atoned for me and my sins, and because of that great act, I can live with Him and my Heavenly Father again! What a gift. My Dad has always said 'Gods gift to man is who we are. Our gift to God is who we become.' I am a disciple of Christ... at least, that is who I want to become! Every moment of every day. I do not want the trials of life to destroy my faith in God, as it is the most precious gift I hold. I will work, everyday of my life to hold the truth in my heart.