I have been taught that this life is meant to be enjoyed, although not all of our experiences will be enjoyable. I myself have experienced agony, affliction, illness and heartache in my life, however in the long run have been able to learn, grow and enjoy the fruits of my trials. I can honestly say that I am grateful for my trials, every last one of them. So, why am I struggling with this so much?
The problem? I am empathetic, which I have always considered a good character trait, however it seems to be dominating my emotions as of late and it's exhasuting. As I have thought about it, I am almost certain it has to do with my current calling. Being in the Relief Society presidency exposes me to the struggles and challenges of those I associate with. I have shed many tears for the trials my sisters face. I have asked my president on more than one occasion, 'How do you cope?' and each time I ask, she gives the same response, 'We all have our journey.' Yes! We do! I know my life is a journey and everything I have experienced has been for a purpose. I truely am grateful for my trials and I know I am the only one who can face them, yet I have been losing sleep over the trials of others. I just can't seem to cope. I feel the need to step in a do something to help my friends, to fix the problem, when in all reality, I can't.
Then, something happened. Today I ran in to a dear friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a quite some time. While conversing, the friend disclosed that they have been seriously struggling. My heart dropped. All I could think of was 'Where was I when all this was going on? Why didn't I offer to help? Why didn't I bring them dinner? Why didn't I take their kids?' Hours after this happened, Doug could tell something was wrong so I explained what happened. Once I spit it all out to Doug, he asked 'Well, where were you when this was going on?' Then it happened...my A-Ha moment. While all this was going on, I was at home, seriously ill with my pregnancy with Robbie, struggling to tend to Nola's basic needs. Why didn't I offer to help? Because I couldn't. Why didn't I offer to bring them dinner or take their kids? Because I couldn't even cook a meal for my own family. We all have our journey.
My devotion is to my family first and I believe that is how it is supposed to be. I am grateful for my desire to serve and even more grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who can help me differentiate where my time needs to go. I pray that we can all face our trials and enjoy this journey we call life.
Interesting perspective. I have felt that a lot as well..unaware of a friends struggle and feeling guilty that I wasn't there for them...that I was too busy tending to my own family. Thank you for that perspective...our own families really should be at the forefront! :)
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